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The Other Olympics

Posted by on February 20, 2014 in General | Leave a comment

My interview with Bob Costas…..

“Bob Costas everyone. Let me remind you all that while we are enjoying the excitement of the 2014 Winter games here in Sochi, there is another Olympic games running concurrently in Virginia, USA, the 2014 Olympic Gardening Games. Last night, I had the privilege to speak with two-time Vegetable Gardening Decathlon Gold medal champion Joel Taylor, who is planting seeds and busy training his seedlings for competition.

Costas: “Thank you so much for joining me Joel, I know things have been hectic for you after winning last weeks qualification rounds in both the Cabbage and “Greens” categories.”

Taylor: “Thank you for having me Bob. Yeah, it’s been crazy. Seems like an endless number of interviews since last week. There’s a lot of pressure to bring home the gold again, and, as you know, I’m no spring chicken, lol.”

Costas: “A few quick questions. 2006, again in 2010, you won Gold with the largest Brandywine tomato. Has it sunk in that historically, you could be the first Virginian with a three-peat? Do you think you have it in you?”

Taylor: “Wow, dude, yeah, I mean, sure I’d like to make history and yes, I’ve always thought I had it in me, but I’m just trying to focus on my gardening events, you know, and what happens happens. I’m feeling really strong in cold-frame and greenhouse. Composting, of course, has always been sort of my strength. Had a great pile of it just before snowmageddon hit us, but things are looking good at this point. The bins are just to the brim.”

Costas: “So you’re full of it?”

Taylor: “Umm, yeah, you could say that.”

Costas: “2010, you tested positive for Miracle Grow. How did that affect your gardening?”

Taylor: “[Sigh] I had a feeling that was going to come up. I think it’s made me a stronger gardener. I rely completely on natural processes, like compost and shredded leaves for carbon along with red-worm farming to get what I need. Listen, I’ll tell you the same thing I told Congress during the hearings. Everyone was doing MG. It was no big deal, but now, at this level of competition, I mean, the games have become so politicized that, now, if your veggie plants look especially green and luscious, suddenly, people call you non-organic and everyone wants to test your soil. It’s crazy. Again, I am not a GMO guy. I don’t do pesticides or any of that stuff. I’m all about heirlooms, organic, all the way. I train hard, the sweat is real and so are the results in the garden.”

Costas: “Are you clean now?”

Taylor: “As a whistle dude.”

Costas: “That’s great to hear. Well, we’re all excited to see your upcoming performance. I know already that you are really rocking some Swiss chard. In fact, last night we got a glimpse of your planting technique during some cilantro and basil runs. I must say, your execution was flawless.”

Taylor: “Thanks Bob, as you know, I have a new planting coach, Demetri Plantakrop. He’s tough, but necessary. We’re facing some real challenges in these games with the parsnips and leeks. It should be exciting.”

Costas: “Good luck Joel and I know that America is rooting for you. Well folks, that’s it for now. Coming up back here in Sochi, more from the unusual sport of curling.”