The Bacon Tree

[ Long ago, in the days of the wild frontier……. ]

Back in the cowboy days, a wagon train is lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. Suddenly, they see an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushes to him and says, “We’re lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get something to eat?”

“Vell,” replies the old man, “I vouldn’t go up dat hill und down other side. Somevun told me you’ll run into a big bacon tree.”

“A bacon tree?” the wagon leader asks.

“Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie,” says the old man.

The leader returns to his people and tells them that they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge. “Then why did the old man say not to go there?” some of the pioneers ask. “Oh, you know that Jewish people don’t eat bacon,”the leader explains.

So, the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre everyone except the leader, who manages to escape and makes it back to the old man.

The near-dead leader starts screaming, “You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of Indians who killed everyone.”

The old man holds up his hand and says, “Oy, vait a minute,” and gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary and begins thumbing through it.

“Gevalt, I made myself ah big mistake. It vuz not a bacon tree…

…It vuz a ham bush.”

– copied